We break down the complexity of texting into text bombs, politics and the 27-minute rule. You're welcome!
Sean and I continued to text throughout the week. If you know
me – which you don’t, cuz I’m just some girl – you’d know that I’m a maniacal
texter when I’m not busy. The only time I’m actually busy is between 8 and 9 in
the morning when I do a few rounds of the sun salutation and then eat a bowl of
warm oats, so on most days I ended up text bombing him. It’s considerably
different than photo bombing, but seems to evoke the same level of annoyance
from those who fall victim.
Me: Heyy
Me: Heyyyyyy
Me: Heyy
Me: Hay (is for horses. Lol!)
Me: Hi there
Two minutes pass.
Me: Hello
Another minute passes.
Me: HeyyyyyyOMGIHAVEACRUSHONYOUyyyy
Me: You have ten seconds to say hi back or we are thru!!!!!
Me: 10
Me: 9
Me: 8
Me: 7…7 ½
Me: 6
… You get the idea. Not only did I showcase my inability to
countdown (seven and a half comes before seven,) but I also alluded to mental
illness. Fortunately, I’ve since learnt how to deal with the afternoon radio
silence while he is busy changing lives for the better at work.
Texting has become a main form of communication for most of
us and this is a genuine cause for concern because it’s not the most authentic
mode of interaction, given that we can edit, gap silences, and even get our
girlfriends to craft the perfect message on our behalf. Aside from the absence
of verbal and non-verbal cues such as tone, facial expression and body
language, everyone decodes messages differently.
Now I’m going to try to use my brain for a bit because
people are starting to accuse me of just letting it sit there and take up space
in my head. According to Stuart Hall’s encoding/decoding theory, people
interpret messages quite uniquely and personally based on several external
variables, most notably life experiences and cultural background. And in a
medium such as text messaging, which is often devoid of clear context, the
receiver shapes the meaning of the message much more than the sender.
Don’t you find this so terrifyingly dangerous? Even though
it was probably a massive waste of money and must’ve been such a pain travelling all the
way to Brisbane, I guess this is why our world leaders have these annual summits
instead of just trashing everything out in a Whatsapp group chat, right? Sure, u may now b able 2 mute us for a yr, Kim Jong-un, but tht’s not gonna stop
us from gossiping abt how u just had ur stomach stapled in Beijing. We
know what u did last summer, son. Haha!! N Obama is betting a nuclear missile tht ur gonna
fix ur nose next, btw.
And those read receipts? Seriously???? As it is, there are already a multitude of ways I can experience rejection at any given moment. I don't need to know you read my text 8 hours ago and couldn't manage a simple reply. But could manage a retweet about some Manchester United player.
Then there is the issue regarding our overuse of humour,
teasing and bantering, which is a classic approach of communicating without
really saying anything of real significance. This is most typical of
English-speaking cultures (read: British), as they tend to use sarcasm and irony
as a means to imply affection rather than actually showing it.
“How about you go (sarcastic) at the end of your
messages when you’re being sarcastic,” I proposed, after he sent me down the
second-guessing spiral of doom once more. “No. How about every time I message
you, you read it, and then flip a coin. Heads I’m sarcastic, tails not. Work
out about right,” he retorted. “How about I just flip you the bird?” I quipped.
We’ve given texting the power to dictate much of our
relationships. Overkill can ruin a potential relationship before it’s even had
the chance to blossom, whereas not being attentive to one’s phone can send a
message of indifference, particularly in the primordial stages of a burgeoning
whirlwind romance. Finding that balance can be tricky, especially in this age
where texting is now a necessary component of establishing human intimacy.
I’m still learning how to turn on my charm and negotiate
between witty banter and meaningful conversation. But one thing I do know is that no talk is always better than small talk. Live by this rule. Cut the
“Hey.” “Sup.” “NM, you?” Throat clearing (and climaxing) can be achieved
autonomously.
I absolutely despise how we seem to determine who has the upper
hand by playing the game of who-is-going-to-text-who-first. (No prizes for guessing who texts first 95% of the time.) I’ve never
understood the connection between being the first person to text after a lull
and being considered weaker and hence clearly no longer worth pursuing. I've been conditioning myself to be too cool to care, but I still don't get why we have to wait three days to call, blow them off to keep them at a distance, purposefully show up a little late, or let the phone ring at least eight times before answering.
We place so much weight on seeming detached and unavailable until the last possible
moment, afraid we might scare them off by revealing our interest in them. “Wait,
like, 27 minutes,” was the advice given to me by my sage friend, with all the
world-weariness of someone who had clearly mastered the art of texting.
“Are you free this Saturday, for something completely
unrelated to pasta and DVD?” he texted on Wednesday evening. I endured
2-Mississippi seconds – felt like eternity, mind you – before asking, “What
would that be?” It’s always nice when a date is set up more than two hours in
advance, suggesting that it involved a degree of forethought.
