OKCUPID SCARES ME. SAME WITH TINDER. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY ITS SO HARD. OUR PARENTS WERE MARRIED AND PREGS BY 22.
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22 – because that is
my actual age, ha ha! Do I believe that “everything will be all right if we
just keep dancing like we’re 22, 22?” Maybe. But when my mom was 22, she wasn’t
grinding and shuffling her way around problems. In fact, she’d already been
married to my dad for a couple of years and given birth to their first child.
Nothing really illustrates a generational shift quite like comparing your life
to your parents', hey? Freakyyyyy…
The dating landscape has definitely evolved over the decades.
Things aren’t what they once were. Wouldn’t it be so weird if it hadn’t
changed, though? Almost all other aspects of life has changed, why should the
way we date be an exception?
“So when are we going to grab that slice of pizza?” Sean
asked.
First things first: Contrary to popular belief, a first date
is not the first time a man asks you to hang out to grab coffee or beer (or
pizza). A first date is when a man asks you directly to do something with him –
just him – and it’s a time that he has specifically set aside and made special.
The reason I’m making this clarification is that I myself was a bit confused.
“Let’s hang out tonight, I have a nice bottle of wine we can share”, “let me
cook you dinner, I will make you amazing pasta”, “wanna come over for a swim
and DVD?” seem like sweet date propositions – which they are in their own right
– but if you hardly know the guy, don’t fall for his creative variations of
“DTF?”
Although Sean’s extension of the olive branch was not a
straightforward suggestion for us to bone on a Friday night, it was not an
invitation to a date either. “I hope you aren’t taking me to a Pizza Hut,” I
replied. “I’m not taking you anywhere. It’s a joint venture,” he shot back. My
enthusiasm immediately waned and our planning stalled. We live in a tight
economy and go on an average of about 7 ‘dates’ per week, so there is a dire
need to keep them cheap and casual. A fancy dinner? You’d be so lucky to get a
drink, hon.
At 7:30pm, he suggested an Italian place that was a
10-minute walk from his place to which I politely declined. Don’t ever let
yourself be fooled by a man thinking, “how little effort can I put in to
convince her that I’m putting in a whole lot of effort so that I can get…dat ass?”
The next day he asked if I had an Instagram account. I was
hesitant at first because those filtered squares are quite literally the
windows to my soul (aka Crazy Town) and would surely scare him off. But I
couldn’t care less. What’s one less handsome British boy to talk to? A huge
relief, to be honest.
I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again but on Sunday
afternoon, he tried to lure me to his place for a swim. Again, I politely
declined. “Let’s find a time we are both free then. That’s how this usually
works,” he said. “Sure, which day is good for you?” I asked. “Do you wanna get
lunch on Tuesday? I’ll take you to a Lebanese place which is deliciousssss,” he
responded. “Sounds good. You’re taking me?” I asked, both intrigued and
skeptical. “Yes. My darling, it would be my honour,” he replied coolly.
In retrospect, that was the defining moment I went from being a girl
whom he’d only attempt to sleep with to being a girl he’d consider dating. (Kudos
to me.) But, why? And how??
Ultimately, it boils down to the simple fact that our goals
determine our actions. It’s a fatal error on our part when we expect our goals
to adjust and adapt to our actions. In other words, we must always act to
fulfill the requirements for our goals. If your goal is to go on a date – and I
mean a real date – then behave the way a girl worthy of a date would carry
herself and play the game the way the game should be played
This is not about playing hard to get or being mysterious
and ever so elusive. This is about having a purpose for your love life. Trust
me, the knowledge of just knowing what you want will be your Magic 8-Ball in
knowing when to walk away and knowing when you have a proper chap in your hands.
It’s how I’ve avoided getting caught up in sloppy booty calls because I know
that it is a relationship that my heart truly desires.
Sean scheduling a couple of hours in the middle
of his workday to take me to have kebabs was just about the most romantic
gesture any man has ever done for me in this modern age. (It’s no big secret
that I haven’t been very lucky with men.) We both lived up to our witty virtual
personas. He was just as, if not more, dashing seated across me than in his
pictures. We exchanged stories; I discovered that he’s unusually
family-oriented, doesn’t particularly fancy our local hawker fare and is much more
mature than any 24-year-old I’ve met.
"I knew you were never going to come swimming at my place, by the way," he said with a smirk while enjoying his hummus. Similar to how we like to administer tests on the sly to gain insight on a man's true nature and evaluate his character, men are also sizing us up with every word that rolls off our tongue and selfie we post on Instagram, among other things. We need consistency in the people we date, because it's hard to take anyone who is inconsistent too seriously.
We made our way back to his office tower when we were done with our food and he bent at a right angle to peck me goodbye on my cheeks. I elbowed my way through the lunch crowd of the business district, feeling out of place but flushed with delight.
"I knew you were never going to come swimming at my place, by the way," he said with a smirk while enjoying his hummus. Similar to how we like to administer tests on the sly to gain insight on a man's true nature and evaluate his character, men are also sizing us up with every word that rolls off our tongue and selfie we post on Instagram, among other things. We need consistency in the people we date, because it's hard to take anyone who is inconsistent too seriously.
We made our way back to his office tower when we were done with our food and he bent at a right angle to peck me goodbye on my cheeks. I elbowed my way through the lunch crowd of the business district, feeling out of place but flushed with delight.
