Forward

I don’t Pause and Think very often. Especially not in the middle of September, when the year is not even close to ending soon and I’m not panicked with thoughts about what I have done – or rather, what I have not managed to do – in the year. Apart from Change being the only constant in life, bad haircuts, and a general lack of reflection are the only other things I believe are truly constant in my life. (Heraclitus obviously never got into the habit of using a pair of kitchen scissors to cut his own hair. What a stud.) 

It’s a bit odd then, that I’ve actually taken a step back and stopped fidgeting for more than two seconds on this balmy September evening, to nitpick the whacky but abstract – of course – masterpiece I’ve been working on that is my life. 

You’re probably thinking that a lot of shit has hit the fan in the last week, which is why I’m having this quiet moment of introspection. Okay… But really, it’s mostly the shape of the moon tonight. Have you seen it? And to a certain extent, the fact that the supposed love of my life has left the country and we didn’t say Bye because we aren’t on speaking terms. (Bye! I know you’re reading this, asshole. Just kidding… But seriously, though. Bye bye! Don’t wanna be a fool for you… Baby, bye, bye, bye! I know how much you love musical references.) And the other fact that I just quit my job and suddenly have a good amount of time to indulge myself. 

To be frank, I’ll admit the last six months have been fucking insane and I’ve realized that as a human being, I am pretty damn psychotic. Like, non compos mentis. Not to the point where I need to be put in a straitjacket, although that honestly does not sound like too bad an idea, but to the point where I’m wailing in the atrium of shopping malls at mid day and in hipster drinking holes at midnight asking my friends “Am I crazy?” “Does this also happen to other people?” “Is this how life is supposed to be?” “What is the meaning of all this?” “Did I just screw myself over?” “Can’t I just ask for a refund and try again?” 

So. In case you haven’t realized even after reading the bunch of words I just wrote, I’m still alive, which is cool. There’s more good news (small epiphanies and revolutionary ideas), but considering how the last public update I made/recent activities on social media ended with me hell-bent on continuing to make bad, apeshit crazy decisions like it was my job – which really, is not. I quit, guys! I quit my job! The one that actually paid me. And also this making bad decisions one – I should probably start by filling you guys in on what happened last night. But first, I’ll fill you in on what happened in the last decade! 

I’m trying to connect the dots. (It’s so beautiful, our lunacy, it’s so beautiful… For like, three minutes. Then it kinda becomes a shitfest, poppet.) And I realized that I’m not going to feel any sort of release until I put my thoughts down in front of me, so bear with me.