The blossoming of a modern day romance. A severe case of genital ADD. The importance of pizza. A love for British boys.
With a long track record of being in a series of unfortunate
but serious monogamous relationships almost back-to-back, jumping head first
into the deep end of the dating pool has proven to be not my wisest decision
yet. (Why am I not surprised?) My experience thus far fluctuates between giving me butterflies in my stomach and between my legs, being a culture shock, and an endless
stream of anxiety, confusion and frustration.
This modern day romance began when both our kindred Tindered spirits decidedly swiped right. “Nice smile,” he texted. “Nice abs,” I replied, almost
three hours later. (For the purpose of this article and in honor of the name
given to him at birth by his parents, let’s call him Sean.) It was our 21st
century rendition of “did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I
ne’er saw true beauty till this night.”
With online dating gaining mainstream acceptance and its
taboo dissipating quickly to zilch, more people are meeting each other through this medium,
on websites such as OKCupid and mobile applications such as Tinder, which have now
become the unofficial playground for twentysomethings who aren’t typically into
online dating but are tired of being single. (Hey, what’s up? You too?) Frankly
speaking, I’ve only been single for something like 4 months, so I’m not sure if
I actually belong to this category of bored singles. Online dating is certainly
not for everyone, but it’s an option at our disposal today.
This phenomenon has greatly broadened our horizon of
potential dates we have at our fingertips. Consequently, reinforced our
hyper-casual dating attitude and given most of us a severe case of penis and
vagina ADD. Meeting new people has never been easier and it’s become super
trendy to cycle hastily through lots of suitors and to date multiple people at
any given time. What else is one to do with a seemingly endless catalogue
of singles who are ready to mingle? (Eat Pringles?? I didn't think so.)
Getting to know new people adds spice to the adventure we
call life. You don’t have to marry the guy or even kiss him; just talking to
him will open your eyes to new experiences and outlooks on life. What makes this
situation even more appealing is that there’s no context at all; you owe them
nothing. You don’t know their family or friends. You’re in, you’re out. Good
chat, mate. Don’t Facebook me. Cya later/never.
Admittedly, I wasn’t very interested in continuing my
conversation with Sean at the beginning. He called me “dull” after I’d confided
that my favourite pizza topping was Quattro formaggi. At the other end of the
spectrum of the bold and exciting were his picks, BBQ chicken and pineapples,
so you kind of already know that he’s a real daredevil himself. #sarcasm #Britishhumour #funnynotfunny
Aside from how people speak of their mothers and treat waiters, it’s my personal belief that you can tell a lot about someone by his or her favourite pizza toppings. Ie: at first glance, I'm just glorified cheese on toast. But a couple of bites in, you slowly learn that I'm four types of cheese, and pretty intense flavours at that. The devil is in the details after all, is it not? With regards to Sean, I don't know him well enough to churn out a complete character analysis at this moment, but what I do know is that he is kind of old-fashioned when it comes to courting, fancies routine or some sort of structure, finds comfort in familiarity, and always wears his seatbelt even in the back of a cab unless he is too drunk.
Aside from how people speak of their mothers and treat waiters, it’s my personal belief that you can tell a lot about someone by his or her favourite pizza toppings. Ie: at first glance, I'm just glorified cheese on toast. But a couple of bites in, you slowly learn that I'm four types of cheese, and pretty intense flavours at that. The devil is in the details after all, is it not? With regards to Sean, I don't know him well enough to churn out a complete character analysis at this moment, but what I do know is that he is kind of old-fashioned when it comes to courting, fancies routine or some sort of structure, finds comfort in familiarity, and always wears his seatbelt even in the back of a cab unless he is too drunk.
In reality, I was worn out from repeating the same “getting
to know you” conversation, which initially started out like that catchy tune
from The King and I but was fast becoming vapid. I was also almost brain dead
from deciphering cycles of text messages all day, which – not to brag –
requires the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy. Now don’t get me wrong, I
love checking my phone and reading nice messages from four different guys at
once (Maz, especially, just cuz he is SO FUNNY AND SMART), but always having to
be on my ‘A game’ and constantly dishing out flirtatious and witty responses can
be pretty taxing.
To add to that, I have a super soft spot – reportedly
located 2-3 inches up my anterior vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and
the urethra – for British boys. Talking to them is extremely exhausting,
mentally draining even. If you’ve had a conversation with one, you’ll know exactly
what I mean by that. You’d have either loved it or hated it. I just so happened
to absolutely love it and was talking to a handful of them. (And they are a
handful.)
All in all, playing the field took a lot more brainpower
than I’d imagined, and I commend those who do this regularly or for extended
periods. (Let’s not confuse this with cheating, you guys.) Despite all the
sleazy people you will probably have to encounter en route to finding prince
charming, taking a (skinny) dip in the dating pool is worth the experience. My month-long stint moonlighting as a professional serial dater has
taught me a lot about who I am as an individual. And even more about my own personal
tastes, preferences and standards for the kind of person I want to involve
myself with in the future. Although, for sanity’s sake, I would recommend
sticking to a smaller number than 18 men in 30 days – that was a bit
overwhelming.
“What are you doing right now?” he texted. “Devouring a
chocolate bar,” I replied. And then my phone rang. The notion that nobody picks
up the phone and calls anyone these days suggests that if someone does actually
pick up the phone and call, he or she is a gem – a keeper, if I may. Yet the
very act of calling someone on the phone takes about a whooping three
seconds of extra fingering. Worth the praise? I don’t know. But this was a
unique selling proposition (USP) of his and it made him stand out, which I
would later learn at lunch that he quite literally does stand out in the crowd
at an astounding 193cm.
